We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
