she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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