Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
