Will you blow on my dice?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
how drunk are you?
Several
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
