I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
