I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
