Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
