I didn't shave. On purpose
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
