Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
