The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
