My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
