$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
