honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
