btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
