I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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