Already got asked if we're dating
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The best revenge is premature balding
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Text me some of your sweat
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
