How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
