Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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