Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
