Already got asked if we're dating
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
