i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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