I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
