I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
