Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
