so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
