I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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