everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
