Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
