I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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