My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
