people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
