I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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