I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
