My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
