It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
