I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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