New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
how do you play pong handcuffed?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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