The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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