Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
