carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Randomize
