I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
