We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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