worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
