she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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