Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just cropdusted the office
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
