Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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