No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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