I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
