Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
