im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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