Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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