is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
