What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
there was a trapeze. enough said
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
