One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
